Mikey's Silent Scream
by XanaduHawk
Summary: Inspired by the song Silent Scream by Anna Blue and the fact that the 2012 Mikey is confirmed by the show's writers to have ADHD. Mikey post a video online. His family sees it and realizes that they may have been too judgmental of the youngest ninja turtle. How will they fix their mistakes? Dedicated to all those who suffer from ADD and ADHD.


Mikey's Silent Scream

Author's Note: I don't own the 2012 or any version of the TMNT. The song used is Silent Scream by Anna Blue, which I don't own either. A few lyrics have be changed to fit the story better.

Dedicated to all those out there who struggle with ADD and ADHD.

It had been Donatello's job to monitor what his brothers posted and published online ever since the teens discovered the world wide web. They had enemies and you couldn't be to careful. One wrong word or careless sentence and you could give away your identity or some other valuable information.

Leonardo and Raphael didn't require much monitoring; Leo mostly just posted on Space Heroes fan sites and Raph rarely went online. It was Michelangelo who needed to be watched. Mikey constantly posted art and stories, many based on his and his brothers everyday lives. Donnie was always having to check and censor Mikey's work.

So when Donnie saw that Mikey had posted an animated music video that he had made with the help of an online friend, Donnie was sure he had his work cut out for him.

What he saw in the video and its description shocked him.

"Sensei," Donatello said in a soft voice. He had entered to dojo where Splinter and Leo had been meditating holding his open laptop. "What is it my son?" Splinter asked. He knew Donnie wouldn't have interrupted their meditation unless it was important. "There's something you, Leo, and Raph need to see. It's about Mikey." "I'll go get Raph." volunteered Leo; Something in Donnie's voice told him this was serious.

A minute later Donnie, Raph, Leo, and Splinter were seated around Donnie's laptop on the dojo floor. "Why are we here again? And where's Mikey? Isn't he usually the one to show us his latest online quote unquote masterpiece?" Raph grumbled. "He's reading his comic books right now, which is why it's the perfect time to show you this." Donnie said, "I don't think Mikey ever intended for us to see this particular video." He then pressed play.

Soft music filled the room as credits appeared on screen. _Art and lyrics by NinjaPizzaPrankKing_ (that was Mikey's username). _Vocals and instrumentals by AquaAnnaLise_. A drawing of an orange-haired, freckled boy practicing ninjutsu under the watch of a man who was clearly Hamato Yoshi came on screen. "That's Mikey's avatar," Donnie said, "He uses it to represent himself online in his art."

Suddenly a female voice started singing. _"I'm caught up in your expectations. You try to make me live your dream."_ The image switched to the boy messing up and falling flat on his back, while Yoshi looked on with a scowl. _"But I'm causing you so much frustration and you only want the best for me."_ Now the boy, Mikey, was shown trying, and clearly failing, to meditate. _"You want me to show more interest while always keeping a big bright smile."_ The picture changed to one of Mikey being scolded by Yoshi. _"Be that picture little perfect ninja, but I'm not that type of child."_

" _And a storm is rising inside of me. Don't you see that our worlds collide?"_ Mikey was shown looking down at the ground, his fists clenched tightly against his sides. _"It's getting harder to breathe. It hurts deep inside."_ Now the video showed Mikey with a huge smile skateboarding. _"Just let me be who I am! It's what you really need to understand."_ The image switched to Mikey holding his skateboard while once again being lectured by Yoshi. _"And I hope so hard for the pain to go away. And it's torturing me, but I can't break free."_ A headshot of a smiling Mikey appeared, while behind him and slightly to the left was ghostly image of him screaming as tears streamed down his face. _"So I cry and cry but just won't get it out. The silent scream."_

The next picture shown the orange-haired boy sparring with a blue-haired boy, obviously meant to represent Leo. _"Tell me why you're putting pressure on me,"_ The image switched to Mikey getting hit upside the head by a muscular redhead, Raph. _"And everyday you cause me harm."_ Now Mikey was trying and failing to get the attention of a purple-haired, glasses-wearing boy, Donnie, who was completely absorbed in the machine he was working on. _"That's the reason why I feel so lonely, even though you hold me in your arms."_ Mikey appeared in a box, fighting to get out. The words 'Prefect Ninja' written in blue, 'Prefect Brother' in red, and 'Prefect Teammate' in purple were written on the box. _"Wanna put me in a box of glitter, but I'm just trying to get right out."_ Now it showed all three boys glaring at a withdrawn Mikey. _"And now you're feeling so, so bitter, because I let you down."_

A picture of Mikey fighting back tears appeared. _"And a storm is rising inside of me. Don't you see that our worlds collide?"_ The image switched to a tearful Mikey holding a kunai to his wrist. _"It's getting harder to breathe, it hurts deep inside."_ The next image showed Mikey hurling the kunai against the wall of his bedroom, having not cut himself. _"Just let me be who I am! It's what you really need to understand. And I hope so hard for the pain to go away."_ The drawing of the smiling/screaming Mikey came back. _"And it's torturing me, but I can't break free. So I cry and cry but just won't let it out. The silent scream."_

The next drawing was split into three sections, each one showing Mikey trying to get his brothers' attention; Trying to get Leo to read comics with him, trying to get Donnie to play video games, and trying to get Raph to go skateboarding. _"Can't you see how I cry for help?"_ The next image was also split into three, each showing the aftermath of a prank and his brothers yelling at him, while Mikey just smiled, happy to be acknowledged. _"'Cause you should love me just for being myself."_ The screen then switched to a drawing split in two, the left side showing a crying Mikey being approached by a calico cat, obviously meant to be Ice Cream Kitty, while the right showed a still crying Mikey hugging the cat. _"I'll drown in an ocean of pain and emotion_ _if you don't save me right away."_

The next few images showed Mikey climbing up a fire escape and walking across a roof at night. _"Just let me be who I am! It's what you really need to understand. And I hope so hard for the pain to go away. And it's torturing me, but I can't break free. So I cry and cry but just won't let it out. The silent scream."_ The final shot showed a crying Mikey standing on the very edge of the rooftop. _"My silent scream."_ The video ended.

"You guys also need to read the video description." Donnie said before anyone could say anything. He clicked the video description button and the following message appeared: _Special thanks to AquaAnnaLise for providing the music for this video. You're one awesome dudette! Keep on rocking! And for those of you who are worried about what you saw in this video let me be clear, I've never self-harmed nor am I suicidal. It's just...hard, sometimes, ya know? To keep smiling and acting like I haven't a care in the world. Especially when my family expects so much from me. I know I'm a scatter-brain. I try so hard to focus, I really do! But it's like my thoughts are jumping all over the place and switching from side to side and I can't get them to line up and be organized no matter what I do. I don't know what's wrong with me, and I'm sorry for it. But don't worry dudes and dudettes, I won't give up! Keep smiling!_

To say Splinter, Leo, and Raph were shocked and saddened was an understatement. Splinter of course never meant to make his youngest son believe he wasn't proud of him as both a ninja and a son. Leo hadn't realized how much pressure he placed on his baby brother and how badly it was affecting him. And Raph felt guilty as hell for making Mikey feel like a burden and a pest. None of the three knew what to say.

"There is one more thing," Donnie said, "One person's comment on the video really stood out to me and got me thinking." "Please show us, my son." said Splinter. Donnie nodded. "Of course."

Donnie scrolled down the comment section. Quite a few people praised both Mikey's and AquaAnnaLise's work. Most said they could relate to the music video. A number of people were encouraging Mikey to stay strong. Finally, Donnie stopped at a comment by a person called OtakuKitty93. Their comment read: _Have you ever been tested for either ADD or ADHD? I have ADHD and what you describe about how hard it is to focus sounds just like what I experienced. I frustrated my parents and teachers to no end no matter how hard I tried not to. It wasn't until 5_ _th_ _grade that a teacher suggested to my parents that I get tested. Now I'm taking medicine to help control my ADHD and everything is so much easier. For once I can actually sit still and focus on what's in front of me. I'm no doctor, but maybe you should suggest to your parents that they get you tested too. If you do turn out to have ADD or ADHD, then it's not your fault you can't focus 'cause your brain is wired differently. It's nothing to be ashamed about and it certainly isn't worth harming yourself over. Stay strong! [heart emoji]_

"What the heck is ADD and ADHD and why does it matter?" Raph asked, voicing what Leo and Splinter also wanted to know. "ADD stands for Attention Deficit Disorder and ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder." Donnie explained. "There mental disorders of the neurodevelopmental characterized by problems paying attention, excessive activity, and/or difficulty controlling behavior which is not appropriate for the person's age. While I'm not certified to give a proper diagnosis, I did do some research on both and I believe there is a very high chance that Mikey does in fact have ADHD."

"So you're saying Mikey can't help not taking things seriously or focusing, is that it Donnie?" Leo asked. "Yes Leo, that's exactly what I'm saying." The four family members were quiet for a few minutes as they each processed this new information and what it meant.

"I believe," Splinter said, breaking the silence, "that we all owe Michelangelo an apology. We must also strive to be more patient with him and understanding of his feelings from now on." "I agree Sensei." said Leo. "Yeah," Raph chimed in, "but how are we going to apologize? Didn't you hear Donnie earlier? He said he didn't think Mikey ever wanted us to see this video." "Don't worry Raph." Donnie said, "I think I know a way."

A few hours latter Michelangelo was making his way from Donatello's lab to his room, Donnie's laptop clutched carefully in his arms. He asked Donnie if he could borrow it to check and see what kind of response the video he had posted earlier was getting. Much to his surprise he didn't have beg and plead with his brother to get him to hand over the device; Donnie just gave it to him with a smile and a "be careful with it, okay".

Having arrived at his room, Mikey closed the door before sitting down on his bed and opening the laptop. He quickly logged into his account (there were exactly 5 accounts on this laptop, one for each member of the family) and hurried to the site where he posted his video. He wasn't at all surprised by all the public comments he received, but he was surprised to see he also had four private comments. While public comments could be read by anyone on the site, private comments could only be read by the sender and receiver. Mikey opened up his private comments and paled; three of them were from his brothers, SpaceHeroCaptainLeo (Leo), RedWarrior1984 (Raph), and UndergroundGenius (Donnie). The fourth comment simply said Guest, which meant the person who sent it didn't have an account on the site and couldn't be responded to.

Mikey was panicking slightly. His brothers weren't supposed to see his video! It was suppose to be his way of venting his emotions without troubling anyone in his family. _Oh well, what's done is done_ he thought. Might as well get this over with. Trembling, Mikey clicked open the first message.

SpaceHeroCaptainLeo: _Never think you're not a great ninja! You're creative and unpredictable. That makes you a very dangerous opponent and one to be taken seriously. You are a valued member of our team and a brilliant fighter. I'm proud to call you my brother._

Mikey was shocked. Did Leo really mean that? Now he felt less scared and more curious about what his other two older brothers had to say.

RedWarrior1984: _This isn't easy for me to say but, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the times I called you names and I'm sorry for all the times I beat you up. You're the best baby brother a guy could ask for and you deserve to be treated better. From now on I'll try to be a better big brother to you, for you._

Mikey gasped, Raph had actually apologized! He quickly clicked on Donnie's comment, eager to see what his genius brother had to say.

UndergroundGenius: _You're the best partner a ninja could have. I'm sorry I don't tell you that enough. I also apologize for all the times I got frustrated with you for not understanding something or for being too energetic. B Team for the win!_

Lastly Mikey clicked on Guest's comment, though he had a sneaking suspicion he knew who guest was.

Guest: _Never forget my son, your family loves you and is proud of you. Always remember this Michelangelo._ (Yup, definitely Sensei.)

Grinning and blinking back tears, Mikey gently closed the laptop and got off his bed. He'd check the rest of the video's comments later. Right now he had a family to hug and thank.


End file.
